Written by lainie at 10:21 PM on October 1, 2007 in Links / Email.

Went with Ding to Help Institute over the weekend to watch some documentary about lesbians in Singapore, over the weekend. It was organised by Purplelab, a local verygaysite.

I found it a bit disappointing. One of my friends, who has watched it as well, said that if some school-age lesbian confused about her identity watched the film......It wouldn't have been helpful.

I don't think that was the purpose of the documentary, but I also have no idea what its purpose was meant to be. It looked like friends had a camera, knew some production people *coughlesbiansinproductionclichecough*, gathered up some gay people, called those gay people who know more gay people, and YAY LET'S FIGHT LESBIAN INVISIBILITY (lesbians, very hard to find in Singapore, mmhmm).

All good and whatever, but still didn't make it any easier to watch . Hey, can't like everything.

Anyhows, speaking of Ding and Singaporean lesbians, Ding's off to watch Bebel Gilberto's concert in Singapore, so I'm sending her Popagandhi's way so she'll have a place to stay and someone to bring her around for food.

=====

You HAVE to watch this video on Seam Carving. It's "content-aware image resizing", and when you change a photo's size without scaling it so you don't squash the dimensions, it just calculates what's important in a photo and makes everything else that is less so, smaller. Or something.

Seam Carving
AWESOOOOME. I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE!

It's like having a warp tool with a lot of dragging points on the mesh grid, and it can kinda guess what you want. This means I've spent an amount of time I will not disclose, resizing photos on Rsizr and drooling over how marvellous it is.

Within two days, I'll get used to it, and my pariahness will turn into expectations. I *will* expect to be able to do this on my applications. I don't expect much, I know. Just immediate, automagical software updates.

=====

Anyway, since I'm too lazy to blog and we're talking about videos, here are some I think you should watch:

"maybe i'll be the one that you like best"
The blurb goes "Quite possibly the cutest band in the world.", and the video is indeed, cute: The Ditty Bops - Wishful Thinking

"You remind me of city graffiti"
Rocker with guitar, and kinda cute, too: St. Vincent - Your Lips Are Red (DUMBO Session).

"Guess how much I'm worth now"
Since this could look like I've been watching videos of girls all day, here's some Danish post-rock by Efterklang and a look at animated city graffiti: Graffiti by Matthewlight.

Just got ffked by a certain someone...yet again...for dinner. I was recently warned that I can get demanding without realising it, when asking girls to go out, so I don't think I'd better kick up a fuss . I mean, lacking self awareness is one thing. Ignoring it when someone points it out is iffy.

Reckon I'll just sleep, wake up at 5am or something, and make myself some food then.

Alone at home, back of my head tingling, and there is an unexplained whiff of Dettol in the air tonight.

Written by lainie at 05:04 PM on October 3, 2007 in Daily Life, Friends.

Hah. Since I've been somewhat outed recently, on a friend's apparently terlalu berfemes blog, looks like I should sort some things out before I get thwacked everytime I meet a friend who finds out about my life on someone else's blog, ei?

Like many of my KL friends:

I'm not actually gay
I'm not really straight
I'm a bit of both.
Sometimes, I'm a lot of both.
Other times, I'm hungover and I am neither. Not only that, I'm a right grumpy cow too.
All the time, I don't think it matters.

There will be times when you see me pashing a girl. Sometimes, a guy. Sometimes, people who look like girls or guys or whatever, but you can never really tell.

It's all cool, whatsit matter anyway as long as we're all friends and we all have fun and world peace and love and all that :D. Free hugs day? Pfft, we should have free love days. All the time.

Now, I have a lot of work to get down to, and seriously, Facebook is too addictive for any freelancer's own good.

In other news, I shot off an email to Kennysia last week, to ask him to promo Ben's Bitches' new album. Yknow, Kennysia can rock so much sometimes:

Kennysia.com: The Most Kickass Fan Mail Ever (he even made a video!)

====

I'm laughing at the synchronicity of it all. Popagandhi said she's "head of the 1st Singapore-Malaysia Queer Conference (in her house + on facebook). Hahaha Lainie can head the Msian chapter."

Lol. Anyone wants to join? We'll kick things off with a few drinks, how about that?

Written by lainie at 02:11 PM on October 4, 2007 in Links / Email.

technorati tag: Free Burma

Written by lainie at 03:29 PM on October 6, 2007 in work?, Daily Life.

Rehearsals the past few days. My nights are ending at 3am, and I don't always come home either. It's been a bit hectic .
Prior to this stage managing job, I sleep 4 hours a night. Now, I don't get up until a full set of rest.

Full cast rehearsals the past two days, working on blocking - where people stand, which direction they face when they say their lines, which hands they wave and all that. I'm the one who has to note all this down.

It's interesting to see Yuen's thought process, on why she makes the changes she does to the script, or direct certain people to act the way they do.

Tony Eusoff had to do his character in a few different ways last night, and got everyone laughing with his impressions. I try not to laugh during rehearsals, but I'm such an awful giggler.

I'm already noticing which cast members require more prompting than most on their cues, or their blocking. It's also noticeable who actually went home and rehearsed their parts. Some are old hands at performing onstage, which makes it easier for me.

The guys whose roles require them to come into contact with Carmen all seem a bit...awkward...around her. Either they're too polite, or maybe she's too much of a celebrity?

Carmen's really really really nice though. I can see why all the crew people I've ever spoken to who've worked with her like her so much, very easy to work with.

======

Went for lunch with Juliet, Viji and Cathy from Kakiseni. I said something that caused Juliet to whack me a few times.

Juliet: Don't think you can escape the punishment.
Lainie:
Juliet: (looks at Viji) I used the wrong word, didn't I?

Went for an excellent Malayalee lunch in PJ. Cathy says this will be the future of my blog, that it'll be boring.

Cathy: Work, come home, sleep. Prepare for work, work, come home, sleep.

I don't care, I had yummy squid and veggies.

Went back to the Kakiseni office to get some work done, ripped open a book packaging in such a way that Viji will never be able to look at the book without thinking of my boobs again, and ended up with one point on their scoreboard for Kakiseni's "Loser of The Week", despite protest as I am not a staff member there. Viji won this week.

Went to kacau Juliet at her table a while, as she was writing an email.

Lainie: You're flirting with people on email, right?
Juliet: Jealous right
Lainie: Jealous..
Juliet: What to do.

Cis.

=====

The one scene I'm blurrest on in terms of cues (which I'm also supposed to note down), I had to block in for Zalinaaaaaaaaa who wasn't there that night. Bleh.

That was a bit bad, and I'm so not the kind to multitask
reading someone's lines,
doing her actions,
while drawing down the blockin for the six other moving people on the script I'm holding,
and comparing it to the other sketches I already have, and....I think I just nearly gave myself an aneurysm.

One of the ensemble didn't do too well last night, and explained to Yuen that he was tired....

Kat and I stood watching, mentally biting our fingertips, because if you have any idea what Yuen's schedule is like, you wouldn't use that as the reason. Actually, I don't think there are any good excuses for not performing well to Yuen. Stress.

After rehearsals, went with Kat for a drink in Puchong, and met some other (presumably) gay people. By the time Kat sent me home, I was so sleepy I was falling asleep in the car.

Written by lainie at 05:44 PM on October 9, 2007 in work?, Friends.

Making plans with Adrianna, who may come down for a visit over Raya.

She's already met Lola - I told her Lola will blame me if she thinks Lola looks gay (Lola claims I brainwash everyone into thinking she looks gay, I still insist it's entirely her doing and I merely repeatedly point out the observation).

====

I've been spending a lot of time running after deadlines. Too much, too much!

Currently, I find shelter in a nice house, on an ill-lit street. By the end of the month, I will need to move out. Preferably a partially furnished place near the LRT station, 4 rooms, and a budget of RM1500 - RM1800. I've been told this might be ambitious. Thanks aw for your earlier recommendation, but the place is kinda out of our budget :/.

I can't think about the complications involving my accomodation right now, it gives me the blighter of all headaches. Have been relying on the future housemates to do more of the scouting.

I may be taking on more Flash banner ad jobs......

=====

Dance rehearsal last night was in Talenthub, in Desa Sri Hartamas.

I showed the director, Fiona, some things possible in MS Paint - she said she'll send me her art stuff to do in the future . Fiona is one of the KLUE Blue Chilli Awards nominees, and I've met her a fair few times now, at some parties and whatnot.

Fiona has a ping pong table in the gym attached to her dance studio - I was playing a game with Fiona (where one of us was far less sleazy than the other), till a call from Tei put an abrupt end to it - she used to be Kat's ASM, and apparently, the ASM isn't supposed to be playing pingpong mid-
rehearsal .

To be fair, it was a slow night and not much I could do at that moment.

Fiona and I ended the game, and I returned to the dance floor, sat next to the wall and watched the girls work with the choreographer for their dance to "I'm Too Sexy".

Fiona asked later if I was perving on the girls (no).

She teaches Latin American dance, and I've been thinking of taking her classes (just haven't found the people). I admitted I wasn't entirely sure whether I wanted to learn the steps for girls or guys.

She just kinda widened her eyes and did an "mmhmmm" smile when I said that. But really, what reaction did I expect? Hah.

So far the only potential dance partner I have is Tei, and if she's my dance partner there's a 98% chance I'm gonna end up doing the bitch steps, cause I can't out-jantan that dyke.

I mean, she can out-femme me. But I can't out-jantan her. I tell you, some lesbians just overachieve.

======

Bernice came over to my place briefly recently, before heading to London the next day. Told her she has to check out Hayward Gallery. Bernice says she wants to send someone over to clean the house before her brother comes back to reclaim it -- I've been cleaning it but I guess the table in the living room looks messy .

She dropped me off to meet Zal for my pancake dinner / supper, because Zal doesn't see enough of my face at rehearsals. I bit her during one rehearsal, and she screeched. And threatened to box me.

We ended up at a pancake parlour. Pancakes! Pancakes! It felt good to unwind a lil.

=====

Is it me, or an age thing, or the people I hang out with, or is the world getting more bisexual over the years?

Written by lainie at 01:34 PM on October 10, 2007 in Daily Life.

I showed up for work last night with a massively tulan face. Kat raised her eyebrow but I didn't want to talk about it because I would have frazzled my nerves.

I'd taken a cab earlier to get to work - making clear I didn't know the directions unless he could find the landmark I gave him. Cabbie insisted he could, "AH, ya di PJ, tau tau, masuk masuk masuk". So I got in, clarified a few times more that he absolutely knew the place I was going to..... and after way too long in his car "Cik, you tunjuk jalan ya".

He had no idea where the place I wanted to go was. He didn't even know how to get to the general area where my landmark was.

..............................

Not the first cabbie to do this to me. Unfortunately for this dude, the only one to do this to me while I'm heading for work, which is never a good time to tick me off.

He started grumbling about me not telling him how to get there, as I was making phonecalls to see if anyone knew other landmarks beyond the ones I did (answer: no).

He asked me if it was the first time I was going there, how could I not know where it was? Then he said it wasn't his fault. I told him to bloody pull over and drop me off somewhere so I could get another cab.

THEN he got aggressive and raised his voice and started blaming me, for him not knowing what he said he did. Well.

I gave him my opinion.

.........By the time I was done saying what I had to say, he looked really angry...and on the verge of tears. I don't need to shout to win arguments. I don't think he expected to get back more than he dished out.

He may have also been beaten up by the cumulative cutting remarks that built up from all the other pissass cabbies who lied to me. I know I should stop doing stuff like this because it puts my personal safety in danger, but....*shrug*.

Stopped by the side of the road, nowhere near where I wanted to go, I took one look at him before I stalked off - this was when I *really* noticed his face, that he was about to cry. Pfft.

He waited in his cab, watching me try to hail another one. Eventually honked and demanded the fare. I helped him change his mind.

Much later, arrived at work.

Watched some of the cast dance. Got semi blamed for someone not showing up for rehearsals when I had already confirmed with her, by then, about three times that she would be there.

Strangely enough, that had no effect on me. Later, asked Kat to draw a map to this place for me, from the highway.

Written by lainie at 02:18 AM on October 12, 2007.

Unsubscribe Me - sign up to unsubscribe from human rights abuses (in war).

=====

I had to call someone for work last night - and it kills my phone credit because the dude has a Sabahan number. Spoke in Bahasa, basic sentences. "Where are you", "Why can't you come over?" and "Call me next time if you can't make it for rehearsals".

Throughout it all my stage manager was standing beside me, mercilessly laughing her ass off at the wonder that I was speaking Malay. After I hung up, she called Tei to repeat my words, nursing each one like a minor miracle in their own right.

I really need to speak more languages around these people.

(yknow the best thing is, I barely understand the dude when he replies cause Sabahan bahasa sounds a lot like Indonesian bahasa to me).

=====

It's been.....a long day. Phew. Work.

=====

I didn't realise so many people would want to know what the heck I said to the cabbie, was somehow under the impression everyone wants a pretty shiny world, so why share the bad vibes, kan?

I've explained myself so many times, I think I'll just paste up parts of a conversation with Jemufo and save myself the time. It kinda summarises it:

yixing
heheh
hey what'd you say to make the cabbie cry?

Lainie
only the truth
i didnt realise everyone would be so curious about this
he was hideously incompetent
and i merely listed out the many different ways that statement is true.
then i talked about his greed
and the many different ways it made his incompetence worse

yixing
ah.
okay
makes sense. see, I was wondering, cause if it was me, I would simply logically point out why he was wrong in a couple sentences...
which wouldnt lead to tears

Lainie
oh no. i decided to leave no room for error.

yixing
hehehe

Lainie
i just merely wanted him to be absolutely sure he is a cretin.

yixing
good job, good job
what language were you using?

Lainie
i think i ruined his raya.
oh well.
english.
i cannot for the life of me scold people in malay
dont know enough words.

yixing
so he understood enough then

Lainie
he understood plenty.

yixing
ruined his raya? lol

Lainie
he especially understood the part where i charge by the hour
and him wasting my time
technically meant he was wastin my money
and that he was not worth the money
in fact, his only worth to me was getting me where i wanted to go.
his entire existence has no significance to me beyond that one duty
for which he failed miserably, and entirely through his own lies, greed and incompetence.
so? my fault or his?

yixing
woah.

Lainie
and it's all true, so what the hell was he gonna say huh?

====

and etc, etc, etc. That wasn't the entirety of the explanation I gave him, but you get the gist. Essentially it's like sitting an adult down like a child, and explaining all his fuckups to him in a simple, clear way, that he has to agree with your opinions - which leads to one easy conclusion: He is an idiot. And he can't stand up for himself because you were using facts.

Look, I'm not saying I like myself mean, but I can get pretty sharp tongued sometimes, and I seldom feel sorry because it's usually strangers that get the brute side of my impatience, and I'm not the repentant sort.

Written by lainie at 04:30 AM on October 15, 2007 in Daily Life.

Selamat Hari Raya .

I hope you enjoy the holiday, friends, and all the good things that come with Raya .

Did anyone notice there aren't any gaudy "ketupat" shaped lanterns hanging in the streets this year, or am I just hitting the wrong areas?

Heard on the radio: "I would like to dedicate this to all my Malay friends, even though I don't celebrate Raya".
Hmm.

=====

The past few nights have been a bit hectic. I think Zouk owns a chunk of my soul now. At the very least, many of my weeknights, which has to be worth something. Like, I don't know, a kidney.

First night of Raya was some fun in Loft, though it was strange to step in and not find my usual "regulars" there, beyond a few. There were a few little house party-like things happening, and I didn't meet the people I was supposed to.

A girl I know came up to me

Drunk: Trish said you and I share something in common.
Lainie: Oh, like what?

[ We like Loft Friday nights? We're both drunk? We kiss the same girls? We have the same shoe size?]

Drunk: Trish says you hit on straight girls too.
Lainie: Ahhhhh!

We briefly bonded over our common misfortune.

I got drunk with a few friends, then made sure they got back home safe, which included me bunking over on my friend's squeaky bed. Can't even shift on that damn thing without the neighbours listening in. Felt like an oaf on it.

======

Second night was a "WILD" party in Loft, courtesy of Sarah. Hennessy flowing, Zouk mainroom people performing - drums, girls dressed as fairies, pirates (girl with moustache).

Blogger rollcall:
Meesh, Nazrul, Kinkypugkevin (forever considered a blogger no matter how many of his blogs he kills), Joyce the Fairy, Tom....leh dah malas.

Tried to convince Zedeck to hit on both Joyce and her brother Nick at a go, but Joyce cockblocked the boys by threatening to kick Nick out of the house if he did anything with Zedeck. Ah well, can't blame a girl for trying to entertain herself.

Quite a fun night. Freeflow = drunk. Drunkards = Fun. Supper = Delayed cause a certain duo would not stop sucking face on the couch even after the music stopped. We clapped when they were done (for the night).

Talked with Drunk again about bicurious girls. I have nothing against them, in fact, I rather like them .

Drunk (I really need to think of a name for this girl, I use the word too much to have it taken up as a nick) came up to us midway through the night. She'd been dancing near the podium when some old dude came up and popped a pill into her mouth.

Drunk was slightly thrown off by what happened (further compounded by the fact that she doesn't do drugs). But he went away after that.

=====

I haven't had the chance to be home / sleep much.

Just got home from
work in PJ, then
a new mall (Pavillion) in KL with the girls, then
to Bangsar for dinner, then
back to One Utama to watch Hairspray, then
back to KL for beef noodles supper, then
got dropped back home to entertain Lola online.

Written by lainie at 12:57 AM on October 16, 2007.

Rehearsals today, afternoon and night.
I am so tired.
The stage manager is more tired, and not coming in tomorrow. So it'll be.....just me....for the run through of everything we've done so far.

Zomg.
I have other work due.

Was a bit impatient with one of the ensemble dudes today, he'd missed heaps of practice and had to be taught all the dance steps the rest had already learned and practiced over the weekend.

It totally dragged our rehearsal time, and pretty much wasted an extra day. Besides a few remarks here and there to move along the rehearsals, I tried not to say anything, because when telling people off, especially those whom I'm not close to, I seldom hit the gray area. I go straight into scary mode without meaning to. I don't know why, I think I'm being okay but that's not the most common opinion :/.

Then ten minutes before rehearsal time came to an end, the guy who hadn't learned his steps, and was taking forever to catch up with everyone else in the ensemble.........declared he was hungry, and ran off to get food.

Mental monologue.

Lainie: Is he...What the hell?

[ Pause ]

Lainie: .......

[ He reappears with...cake. ]

Lainie: Aw shit. Now I have to say something and be evil.

[ Pause ]

Lainie: Maybe if I don't say anything he'll notice everyone else is still practicing.

[ Pause. Watch guy munching on cake. ]

Lainie: ....I guess not.

[ Pause ]

Lainie: Siiigh.

Like seriously, how do you tell someone hungry they cannot literally have their cake, and eat it? At least not until rehearsals are over, goddammit. It's 5pm, I've not had lunch either, and you don't know the steps you should, so what the hell.

Was tired of looking like the pushy assistant stage manager trying to get people to keep decently to the schedule. Finally, I asked the rest of the ensemble if they'd like to stay back some extra time for rehearsals............ since the guy they were helping catch up with the choreography was taking a break.

They suggested he stop eating till after rehearsal....and get back to dancing.

Lainie: Yeah...maybe you should eat later, after?

Dude went back to dancing and ate his food later.

=====

During one meeting over the Rose Rose production, the producer announced that she was allocating everyone 100 tickets each to sell. She looked at me as she said that, and I said the first thing that popped to mind:

Lainie: What's in it for me?

Verbatim, I'm not known for tact.

I admit I'm new to all this theatre backstage work, absolute greenie. Maybe I shouldn't question so much and do the work that doesn't exactly (ie: at all) come under my job description.

Actually, nah. I don't have the time to actively do ticket sales, 100 is unrealistic for me. There's this blog, but that's about it.

=====

When I read the script, I imagine some of the characters in it to be kinda more liiiiike....... this.

Written by lainie at 03:03 AM on October 17, 2007 in work?.

The best way to notice what's most expendable in my lifestyle is to have too little time.

The first thing to go was the vegetables, tofu and chicken. My grocery shopping now generally consists of standing in a petrol kiosk / 7-11 store, ramen hunting. Not only that, I try and buy vermicelli for the "just add hot water" factor.

The next to go was the advertisments / design websites I usually browse through.

The third thing: Reading. I usually read at least a chapter / one short story before I sleep. No longer!

Fourth: late night chats with people like Lola (who was taken aback when I actually refused to play Scrabble with her at like, 4am because I needed to sleep).

====

Last night, I had to block for the actors that weren't around. During one scene, I'd be a gangster moving chairs, then a gangster playing mahjong, then pretend to be Soon Yoon's employer character and read his lines, and then I'd skip a few steps to the right and pretend to be Tony Eusoff's character.

Multi tasking kills my concentration (I'm supposed to be noting down what everyone is doing at the same time, and what props will be needed).

One of the ensemble broke a chair during one of the routines, so we now owe Fiona of Talenthub a new one from Ikea.

=====

Today I was the only one there because my stage manager couldn't come in.

Luckily, everything went okay, except for the part where I forgot to read Tony's line (was drawing down their changing positions), which Zal covered for me....And I was a bit terse with the ensemble, especially latecomers.

=====

I am tired. I have to wake up at dawn tomorrow, for an all day photography shoot, and then rehearsal right after that, at night. And I have to organise everything that happened today, for tomorrow.

Meh.

Written by lainie at 04:19 PM on October 18, 2007 in work?, Daily Life.

I finally have an entire World Leader Pretend album to listen to, which means I am very, very happy.

Dreamdaddy is still my favourite song.

=====

Days seldom go well when I have to rise before the sun. 5am is the worst time of day to hear an alarm clock ring. Had a photoshoot for Rose Rose I Love You's programme book yesterday, got the cast and crew all dolled up to take photographs.

Some people can look good wearing the most ridiculous, outlandish clothes, which is probably why they're paid to look pretty. I've never seen so many tarty looking red bras in a room before.

The director was barking out "SEX! SEX! OPEN YOUR EYES! LOOK SEXY! CLOSER! SEX!", so you get girls trying to simultaneously pout, pose, huddle, and smoulder with widened eyes. You ever tried to pop out your eyeballs and do a smouldering gaze at the same time? The effect is quite interesting.

At one point she yelled "SEX! I WANT SEX!" and I had to look away, mostly to avoid her seeing me snigger. It worked though, the pictures turned out well.

After the MAC makeup artists did my face, I startled myself when I finally saw myself in the mirror.

"Can you please do him first, then do those two girls? I'll send them in when you're done," and if I wasn't talking to the makeup artist, it'd mean I have a career of dubious legality here.

Got into a tiff with the producer because we both thought it was each other's job to coordinate the shoot. Someone else had to step in and play peacemaker, which seems to be one of her jobs, soothing out nerves. Well that's settled.

Worked all the way till night. Incredibly tired, popped over to Jemufo's after to stay because I didn't want to travel the distance home.

=====

When I got to Jemufo's place

Lainie: Shit.
Jemufo: What?
Lainie: ...I don't suppose you have makeup remover?

She laughed in my face.

General rule of thumb: do not attempt borrowing makeup remover from girls who can't flip their hair.

=====

I think one of the ensemble must think I'm some super bitch or something :/.

Beat around the bush about his finances and travel, making it clear it was nothing I wanted to hear or cared about until finally

Lainie: So you want to take the train home?
Dude: Yes.
Lainie: Aiyo. Say so la!

.......... -____-" Like hello, you think I'd stop you from taking public transport home? Wasted my time.

Then today he called me at 830am, wakin me up. To ask where and when rehearsals is, tonight. After the call, I looked at Jemufo and said the dude was probably lucky he called me and not the stage manager.

[ Everyone gets reminded everyday, on where and what time they should be somewhere. ]

Immediately dropped back off to sleep. Literally did an lol later when my friend said this:

Siao. Call ppl at 830am. Obviously not in theatre world.

I'm tempted to say, not in any part of the arts scene.

=====

Some blogs should come with warning signs, and this is one of them:
chez pim. The evillest of all food blogs.

link ganked off Popagandhi

Written by lainie at 03:42 AM on October 20, 2007 in work?, Daily Life.

It's 3am, and I just got home from work. Came home to messages from my friends asking me where I was, they're waiting for me in Loft .

Night jobs suck. I'm missing out on some pretty cool stuff! The P. Ramlee musical. The Playwright Exchange in Annexe. Loft having a Friday punk night.

I invited Fiona of Talenthub to go for Loft with me tonight (not knowing I'd finish clear past midnight) - she later went off for dinner and came back with a serving of salted vegetable soup for me to take home, which was a funny hint for me not to go clubbing later.

=====

Had to block for Tony Eusoff today, he got held up in some shoot. Carmen Soo said that happens, she went for a shoot that was supposed to end by 3pm, but she was there till 6pm. I hate blocking, I mean.....Yuen (the director) finds me too impassive even during regular conversation, so when I'm put into a situation where I have to sing / strut / talk, it comes off so terrible.

Was playing Kerry Ann's husband last night, then her daughter today. It's so neurotic. I may have branded her forevaaaa because I accidentally scratched her hand with a pen as I was dragged off onstage (as her husband).

She's from Ipoh too, and we had a moment of wondering if she was my dance teacher back then. Errr. Have I ever mentioned I used to take ballet?

I know.

Zal didn't come in for rehearsal last night, and I had to sing some of her songs, and she'd tweaked the lyrics. Bleh. I hate blocking in for missing actors. I was standing in for Tony in a scene with Tin (our lead actress), and having a giggling fit everytime she looked at me, which made her giggle too. She's was supposed to be acting real pissed, and at one point she mouthed "don't laugh" to me. I felt really bad about that, but I couldn't help it, once I start I'm the worst giggler..

There's one scene where one of the dudes in the ensemble gets lapdances from...four girls. He turns so red everytime, it's quite cute. Then Yuen went up once to demonstrate what she wanted, and it looked like he'd start spouting blood off the top of his head.

Lainie: He turns so red...
Cathy: At least we don't have to worry so much that he will do anything improper. If we put one of the gay guys there, sure no reaction one.
Lainie: To be fair, if I was sitting there, I'd probably turn red too.

[ Pause ]

Cathy: What are you talking about?? You like girls too!
Lainie: EI? Oh shit, I forgot.
Cathy: I can't believe we're having this conversation.

Aiyo, I was tired, okay. All people have to do is look at me to make me blush anyway, so I'm not sure how it matters. Or, do what Zal did and ask me to look at their chest while they snap photos. I'm not sure what it does for lesbiancred to turn red everytime I see boobies.

Shit, my friends were right. My blog is all about work.

=====

Tomorrow is going to be an all day thing as well, but I need to take time off in the day to look for new accomodation.

Sunday is all day again.

Meh.

Wish me (good) luck for househunting tomorrow!

Written by lainie at 02:32 AM on October 21, 2007 in Daily Life.

Talking with some of the cast after rehearsals:

Dude: What do you do when you're tipsy?
Lainie: Depends on how tipsy I am.

Clause: Also depends on: WHAT I've been drinking, WHERE I'm drinking, WHO is with me, how drunk THEY are, what MUSIC is playing, how many cameras are locked and loaded by friends with Facebook accounts, and how much of my already meagre common sense / willpower remains.

I mean, I can't just be randomly jumping people in a posh restaurant while drinking wine.

Actually, I could. Hmm. But don't encourage me (unless you know someone who wants me to jump them any ol' how), I appreciate being able to gather some dinner companions when I wanna.

Though come to think of it...no. I should just stop pointing out all possible theories because people take me too seriously. Whatever my ideals / ideas, I don't live in a hippie commune (yet).

Behaviour is also dependant on hormone cycle, but that's another point entirely. Anyway, the example I finally offered the guy was:

Lainie: I sometimes pass out.

Though that's decreased, of late. Too many friends KOing before me.

=====

I've been slowly wigging cast members out. First they find out I speak Cantonese, then they see the tongue piercing, and then the tattoo. *wry* I must look kinda goodie sometimes.

I want a doughnut.

Written by lainie at 01:32 AM on October 22, 2007 in Family.

Happy Birthday

Written by lainie at 04:14 PM on October 22, 2007 in Daily Life, Links / Email.

My period is knocking on the door. It's like watching a film with the mother-in-law's imminently unwelcome arrival, stomping up the driveway with her bags and announcing she'll be staying for a week, thankyouverymuch.

My instincts are currently geared towards curling up immobile on my bed, with doses of hostility towards anything getting in the way.

But don't let that frighten you.

=====

Are you guys familiar with the website "Schedule Two"?

They have a good selection of indie bootlegs and videos, performances by The Weakerthans, Jason Collett, The Hold Steady, Asobi Seksu, Tapes 'n Tapes, etc.

I'm currently downloading a collection of Jason Collett's live performance (he's from Broken Social Scene).

====

Kay. Got work.

Groan.

Do not expect celebratory poems from me about being a woman, and how it's the best thing ever that I can bleed through a cunt for over a week without dying because that means I am oh, such a woman.

Written by lainie at 12:10 PM on October 23, 2007 in Friends, Links / Email.

Are you interested in writing and women's issues?

If yes, read on!

Call for Applications for AWAM's Programme for Young Women Writers

About the All Women's Action Society (AWAM)

AWAM is one of the leading women's non-governmental organisations in Malaysia. Established in 1988, it has been at the forefront of national campaigns and initiatives to combat discrimination against women and to achieve greater legal protection of women and their rights. AWAM was, for example, one of the key organisations involved in campaigns which led to achievements such as the passing of the amendments to Malaysia's rape related laws in 1989, the enactment of the Domestic Violence Act in 1994 and the introduction of the Code of Practice on the Prevention and Eradication of Sexual Harassment in the Workplace (1999).

In addition to its work on legal reform, AWAM does public education and trainings to raise awareness of women's and gender issues; and provides counselling, legal advice and other support services for women in crisis.

The Writers for Women's Rights Programme

The WWRP offers promising young women writers a unique opportunity to develop i) their understanding of gender and social justice issues, ii) their writing and analytical skills and iii) their understanding of media issues and their media relations skills and abilities. This programme is open to women between the ages of 18 to 32.

WWRP participants will attend a live-in workshop to be held on 22–25 November 2007, where they will receive training on these areas. Experienced AWAM writers and trainers will be available to guide them and help them get their work published in the media.

The registration fee to attend the workshop is as follows:

Students or unemployed	RM 50
Others	RM 100

This fee may be waived or reduced in the case of promising applicants who are facing financial hardship. Such applicants are required to submit an appeal letter explaining their circumstances along with their application materials.

Call for Applications

Those applying for the programme should write to or email AWAM providing a brief biodata or resumé of themselves, and a short statement (500 to 800 words) explaining why they are interested in participating in the programme and what they hope to gain from it. The deadline for applications is 2 November 2007. Please write 'WWRP' as your subject heading and send applications to:

Snail mail: AWAM, 85 Jalan 21/1, 46300 Petaling Jaya (fax: 03-7874 3312)

Email: james@awam.org.my

Please note that the selection process is extremely rigorous, and although participants will not be legally bound to AWAM in any way, preference will be given to applicants who have the potential to become involved with AWAM or social justice issues on some level after the workshop. Applicants may be asked to attend an interview. For more information, call AWAM, at 03-7877 4221 or email James at the address above.

 

---

"If I Had a Penis", Part I.

 

Lainie: It's not like if I had a penis I could suddenly surprise the girl with it. Like, tadaaaaaaa! I'm.....a hermaphrodite^?
Jemufo: Hermaphrodites don't necessarily have penises.
Lainie: Oh yeah, damn. But if I had a penis, what would I be?

[ Pause ]

Lainie: *forehead slap* A man.
Jemufo: .....

^intersexed, I know I know, I'm really quite awfully trained, especially for someone who lived with Jemufo for so long.

Jemufo's If I Had a Penis

Written by lainie at 12:31 PM on October 24, 2007 in Daily Life.

A house we love is currently up for rent.

Ding wants it so much she's positively antsy. I went to sleep after receiving a message from her that she really wants that place, I woke up to yet another message like that.

I like the garden, the art, and how the place feels. Like a real home for us. We don't really want to hope because it feels like we're setting ourselves up for a huge disappointment, but it's hard to resist.

So instead, we're gonna focus on not scaring the houseowner with our collective pantswetting because we want to be her new tenants so much.

The potential landlord wants references, I've given her one, and I could give her more. It's her pick, really. A lot of people are "keen".

We're worried we look like kids who will hand her back the same house when they return, but with the walls painted in twenty colours. .

--

oh-oh. Ding's literally dreaming of that place. I am gonna have quite a handful to deal with if we don't get that house. I'm apprehensive about the effects rejection will have on those two if we don't get it -___-"

Yeah, we really love the house. 

Written by lainie at 02:44 PM on October 25, 2007 in work?.

Schedules for the production's cast and band are like a Giant ate everyone's time over the week, and pooped out some massive schedule-turd onto our heads. Have donned hazard suits, will wade through the crap soon.

Talenthub is cold. It's makin me cramp more. No energy.

Yesterday I went for work 2 hours early, to meet up with Cathy cause she wanted to "talk". When we sat down, and got our drinks...........She smacked my script away and told me to recite all the scenes, who comes in when, and where. Fortunately that was okay.

Then she showed me a crappy jpeg of what the stage will be like in Genting, told me where everyone was standing / entering in each scene, where the props were.

Then I had to recite it all back. Luckily that was okay too.

Then during rehearsals, hailat, someone asked me when their cue to enter is, and by the time I was done thinking about it (rehearsal space not the same as stage) they'd already stepped into their spot . I was like decoration by the side of the stage, pretending to be stage managing.

Lainie: Please watch the floors when you drop the sledgehammer, or you'll scratch it.

Dude from Ensemble: Oh.

Lainie: Yes.

Dude from Ensemble: We can't scratch the floors....?

Lainie: No.

Dude from Ensemble: *quizzical stare*

Lainie: .....*turns away*

 I'm a cauldron of PMS, tired, sleep-deprived, falling sick and cramping up in the air-conditioned dance studio. Do I look like I have the patience to manage your common sense, on top of the stage management?

I have so much to get done before going to Gentings for 2 weeks. I'm designing medals for the upcoming 3R futsal competition, which is very new, and kinda fun

Written by lainie at 04:20 AM on October 26, 2007.

This will be a mini bitch fest because I want my psyche shiny and new for when I go to Genting for two weeks with everyone else.

Last night of rehearsals using Talenthub.

Music director asked if we would be done by 11pm. We technically rent the place till 11pm each night, but have been leaving at 2am, or 3am, despite whatever promises made to Fiona.

I pretty honestly replied I didn't expect us to end early, within earshot of the director, and got told off. Yeesh. I didn't even mean anything by it, I had no bloody reason to believe today would be any different (and, we left at past 2am anyway).

I'm so glad we're not using Talenthub anymore. Fiona's been great, letting us come in a few hours before we were supposed to, ending at ridiculous hours.

Her dancefloors are scratched though, from us moving in the band (drumset pedals left some huge marks), and the directors insisted upon using some furniture Cathy and I had already said not to because it would....scratch the floors.

We were told it wouldn't scratch the floors (well, it did). Talenthub has also been without the usual collection of stools because on top of renting their space.....we've been using their furniture (ten IKEA stools) for the ensemble to bang around as part of the routine. We got permission to mistreat the furniture from Fiona after we promised to replace them.

Now I'm holding back the "I told you so" reflex. The company's going to have to pay Talenthub the cost to fix the floors. Like geez, I'd rather the money came to me and Cathy.....and you guys listen to our suggestions about not damaging floorboards. And we could get more stagehands (we need stronger people to help with props). But oh well, what's done is done.

Everytime we use the space, everyone leaves a mess that I clean up. Chocolate bar on Fiona's desk. Drinks lying around. Scripts the cast members forget.

Today, some motherfucking bright spark decided to fix the fucking toilet in Talenthub. There's one door that has a "Please Do Not Use" sign on it. Really. WHAT is so hard to understand? Can we please treat you like adults? I mean, YES it was bloody enterprising, good on you, but....

The flush and plumbing are both gone in there. That's why there's a big sign on the door. It is not a bloody challenge.

Someone decided to tie the flush up in such a way that the water continuously drained from tap, to toilet tank, straight to the drain. The toilet tank cannot get filled up. A stream of water wasting.

The plumbing's gone, and they've been merrily flushing away god knows what down this toilet, so good fucking luck to whoever has to clean up. Because the thing is actually clogged. Fiona told me later she had to go to the toilet and cut off the string in the tank herself when she eventually discovered it. I mean..............her water bill........

I'd already warned some people yesterday not to use the toilet because they'd "figured out how to flush it" because it wasn't so much about the flush as it was the plumbing problem.

Was it too much effort to ask before getting all DIY on someone else's dance studio? Sigh. Beh tahan want to say anything anymore. If the person meant well, the person ended up creating way more, extremely unnecessary, damage.

==

My jacket got sewn up like a prop despite the actor being asked not to. Despite handing him a needle with an open thread in the event that, within two minutes of receiving the instructions, he forget not to sew it.

He tied a knot at the end, left heaps of small stitches on my jacket. I spent almost twenty minutes undoing the stitches. Well pissed. I tend to time how much time it costs me fixing mistakes, it's a habit that comes from charging by the hour.

Yet another bright spark managed to wreak havoc upon the room we kept the props, and jammed up the lock in such a way that even the master key couldn't open it.

A lot of stupidity. More to come. I don't have the energy. Ended up waiting for the locksmith. I went for supper after. A brief meal, then I came home. It's 4am.

Seriously, I am aware that I am PMSing, so I wonder if I'm overreacting. Then I remember this is the godknowshowmanynight I've come home way past midnight, past rehearsal time. I've spent time undoing a lot of unnecessary things that Cathy and I have already said do not do. Tired of the divas whom I ask to keep the noise level down while rehearsals are ongoing, and they take it as an opportunity to have idle chit chat. With me. The person shushing them.

I am just so tired of all the crap I have to deal with. I mean, really, I'm new at this, but THANK BLOODY GOODNESS the main cast is so professional and easy to work with. I don't know what my stress levels will be like otherwise.

Oh, whatever.

Really, I'm just glad that we're not using Talenthub anymore because I'm too bloody embarrassed to take advantage of them any longer. Let's just move our show to Genting already. I'm not saying it'll be better, but at least I'm not already friends with the person there.

Actually, that may be a bad thing :/.

====

Did I mention, it's Fiona's birthday?

Happy birthday Fiona!

Sorry you spent part of it, at 2am, waiting for our locksmith, finding your dance studio floors scratched, and having to fix your toilet fiasco.

=====

On the plus side....My Neil Gaiman collection is almost here, Popagandhi is visiting soon, Tony's new interpretation of his character is hilarious, and I've been listening to some happy music.

Despite the long ass bitch post, I'm actually doing quite okay (all the neuroses have to find an outlet ).

Written by lainie at 05:48 AM on October 28, 2007 in Daily Life, Friends.

Went for Smile's birthday party recently with some friends. She called our corner "The Lesbian Corner". She's very loud and frank when drunk. Of course, she also accused

1) a gay man and
2)a ceiling fan

of being lesbians, by virtue of physical proximity. But hey, I suppose some lesbians do look like ceiling fixtures.

Lola was included in the group Smile refers to as "The Lesbians at My Party", but regardless of Lola's defensive statements, I consider it "membership pending". The approval is there Lola, collect your card already.

Met Justine in Loft. Adrian got me drunk (damn tequila and margaritas). A lot of us cockblocked this poor guy trying to hit on Ding. Danced with this happy, tall guy quite a bit, we were twirling each other a lot.

Later, over chicken wings supper at Alor.

Lainie: The guy was gay, right?
Yixing: No, he was straight?
Lainie: Eh? You mean gay?
Yixing: No, I think he's straight.
Lainie: Wow. .....Reckon he's really bad at picking up girls or something?*

*Note, was extremely drunk when I made this conclusion, he could have just been out to dance. Maybe it was how happily he twirled to the music - but doesn't everyone when drunk in Loft?

After clubbing, Adri, Spes and Ding stayed over at my place.

Adri: Aren't you guys gonna shower?
Spes: We're Malaysian, we don't shower.
Adri: ....Well I'm Singaporean, so I'm going to.

Lunch in Chat Masala - talking about Scrabulous on Facebook. Lola grinded whatever vestige of my illusionary streetcred into the oily floors. I have no saham left, I know.

Talking about politicians tonight, in Bangsar, led Ding, Lola and Adri to this conversation (probably, memory fuzzy by now):

Ding: So what happens if he dies?
Lola: Singaporeans don't die.

[ We were sober, really. Well, actually, I was sober. It's probably not a good idea to vouch for any of the other three]

Lola: They live forever. They have to, no one's giving birth there.
Ding: So when we're all dead, Adri will still be here?

Anyway, Lola has declared that one day, these immortal Singapoeans will take over the world . And they'll all have the surname Lee.

=====

Facebook has this application that allows you to vote for a person's traits / qualities.

I'm voted .........most desired for marriage in Adri's Facebook network.

It actually left me bemused for a while, wondering how I garnered so many wedding votes. I can't figure it out. I mean...Some of you out there actually think I'm the...marrying kind.......?

Then again, I'm also voted most dateable, and the last time I went on a date was...... was................. was.......................... hey, look! Nerdy Tshirts!

=====

I was also working / prop hunting / whatnot today, but heck. Was good to see some of the people I did over the weekend before I head off to Genting, possibly for two weeks.

Tonight is my last night in this house. I'll miss it.