Written by lainie at 12:12 PM on April 16, 2008 in Stupid, but fun., Home.

It's been a few months since I've moved into this new house with three friends.

Some things I have since learned from living with a cat, called Girlfriend:

• I am of an inferior species.
• My food is not my food, and I am a selfish cretin for not sharing.
• I can jump (arms flailing) from the top of the stairs with a pesky cat adamantly entwined around my ankle, and land safely (if less gracefully than the cat) about 6 steps down, on one foot.
• I can do really high pitched squeaks - especially when she suddenly sinks her teeth in me. Even I was surprised.
• Cats yowls, should they be imported into your dreams, sound like a bomb shelter alarm, I shit you not.
• There is no graceful way to describe what you were doing to the cat if you name her Girlfriend (brb, Girlfriend wants to be petted).
• Girlfriend, stop drinking from the toilet! / Girlfriend, get off me! / Girlfriend! Leave that bird alone and get in here! / Girlfriend, you have fleas! are all examples of things you should not shout if gossipy neighbours can hear you.
• If you're the default lesbian in the LGBT household, people will assume you're the one who owns / named the Cat.
• However dainty your cat is, her poo will smell like Voldemort's been eating petai and liberally crapping in your house.
• She will be jealous of everything else that has your attention, and attempt to sit on it - this includes the laptop, tv, stove(!), fridge, cellphone, and book.
• If you attempt to draw around a cat, she will swipe at the pencil.
• She will do stupid things and never admit to it (fall on her ass, and walk off slo-o-owly like nothing happened).
• Cats dislike being laughed at. They know when you're doing it.

I am typing this because I really need to pee but she's fallen asleep with her head resting upon my foot, and looks so cute I don't want to disturb her. But wow, do I gotta go.

I end with a video of me pampering Girlfriend on my bed - this could sound so much more exciting, but I assure you it's every bit as mundane as my being a cat slave can be: