Written by lainie at 11:09 PM on June 16, 2009 in melbourne, Stupid, but fun..

I'm too tired to do anything but sit on my bed and zone out, so I may as well blabber here. It's been a while since I've seriously regretted a post anyway. I've been thinking of some national stereotypes lately.

In Malaysia, my friends sneered at tourists who looked out for treehouses in the city, and laughed at those gullible enough to believe monkeys are regularly trained to do the dishes.

In Australia, some campers declared in disbelief they met tourists who asked "Where are the KANGAROOS?" amidst the shopping malls and art galleries of Melbourne city.

Since I'm going to New Zealand next month, you reckon anyone would deck me if I asked "I've been waiting all my life! Where are the sheep???".

I'd probably get decked, I know. I'd deserve it too. Still, it'll be interesting (if a rather low point) to be associated with one of those campfire horror-tourist stories. Cross another item off those 9834124 Things You Don't Need To Do Before You Die lists.

The one difference between Melbourne and back home that really affects me is how much safer I feel here, even at night, on lonely streets. I'm not saying I feel invincible, but in KL I am jumpy just walking home from the 7-11 round the corner, if I'm carrying a bag. Doesn't matter if it's 2pm or 2am.

If you ask me, living in Selangor means your chances of being robbed are more imminent than highly possible.

Just because some people conquered Mt Kinabalu doesn't mean I can't whine about how I was sore days after I climbed in the Grampians.

As for similiarities, since we were on the topic of sheep earlier...I saw herds of them on the way to the Grampians. I actually asked Tim and Daph if they'd like to steal sheep, which is likely illegal in Aust too. And biblically frowned upon, worldwide. But this is what really catches my attention:

“Anyone that would letterspace blackletter would steal sheep.” Frederic W. Goudy

Since we're both Commonwealth countries, and have probably at some point inherited similar laws...Would stealing sheep in this sense be illegal in Melbs? By "this", I refer to speculations on how the purportedly "sanitised" Goudy quote loosely means: fuck with typography = fuck with sheep.

So I guess what I'm saying is...is it illegal to fuck sheep here or what? IS IT?

And in case there were any doubts about it, no I do not intend to shag any number of sheep. I wouldn't tell you even if I did (which I don't).

I was a teenager when Rach and I met a sailor who matter-of-factly told me of the limited options available on certain cargo trips, and the horrible images of desperate men and frightened animals still remain with me today. My lamb chops didn't taste quite the same that day.

Even worse, that's one of my clearest memories of the (very) hazy year I turned 18.

Good night.

[ My sense of grammar goes to pot when I'm tired, but Zedeck's article this week for his True Story column, Abeus of English! takes the cake. Or, take the cakes. I almost wish I'd been on duty to edit that article, would be fun to inject grammar mistakes for once. But really, I'd rather be going for Melb's poetry night. ]